I feel like I put up this facade of not being a failure; of holding it, together.
Then something happens and I fall apart. I drop the heavy load that I've been struggling to hold up, and it crashes down on me.
And I feel all failure-y, again.
So many things stress me out, and I either avoid them like a boss or pretend I can handle it.
What a crock.
Something I've been using to my advantage as I wean off my meds, is I can control myself. I can control how I handle things or react to things. I don't have a mental illness to blame. (Well, that's to be debated; but for now, I blame the meds for my idiosyncrasies.)
I've been holding up, rather well, I think. I've read stories of others who go off the meds I'm on, only to struggle through a year of withdrawal or have to go back on them because their brain can't handle thinking on its own. I know I have the Lord on my side, and I couldn't be more grateful for that. So, though I am not handling stress as well as I try to show that I am, at least I'm handling it. I have the choice to fall into a depression. The mind is a very powerful thing. Inner strength has always been one of my better qualities; I think I've lost sight of that.
I feel super tired, lately. I also feel motivated to accomplish things; and not in a maniacal way - just a normal because-it-needs-to-be-done way. And I do them. And it feels good.
I still have one med to start weaning. I plan to do that, today.
As for the stress? I have a new bike that will take care of that. (Well, not new - but perfect, just the same.)