Monday, June 12, 2017

Better.

Why hide who we are? I always hate it in movies or shows when someone is obviously suffering from something that is too hard for them to carry, but they never tell anyone. They even go out of there way to hide it. That's just lame.

I've been facing this thing. My kids don't really know. They just knew I took pills for something and was a bit crazy if I missed a dose. My husband only knows what I share with him, which isn't everything.

I'm a strong person. Why wouldn't I want people to know that? I have great faith. Why wouldn't I want people to know that? I'm relentless. Why wouldn't I want people to know that?

This has been a very heavy burden. There were moments I didn't think I could go on. There were moments it was all I could do to keep from giving up, from crumbling and sinking into an abyss it would be so very hard to come back from.

Why wouldn't I want help carrying that burden?


The Lord put us on this earth to love and help each other. He can't be here; we have to be His hands to help and love others. It's through us He takes care of His children. I'm always teaching my children that. Why would I want to deny myself that very same blessing?

I recently shared this blog on Facebook.  That was a scary thing, for me.  I did not want people to see me as broken.  

Whether or not they did, was something they didn't share.  Instead, I received an overwhelming response of caring and support and encouragement and even gratitude for being brave enough to share something others face, but aren't able to share, themselves.

We do not have to face our trials, alone.  We have the Lord, yes.  But, part of having Him is having those around us.  That's how He can accomplish a lot of what He wants for us - through the hands and hearts and prayers of others.  

So, if you're reading this and you're struggling with something, tell someone.


***


On another note, I'm still suffering from withdrawal symptoms.  I'm off one of the meds (of the two) and I am almost done with the other one.  Mostly, I have moments of tantrum-throwing.  Something will set me off and I'll be ready for a fight.  That's been fun.  (Yeah, right.) I also cry way too easily.  I just bought some waterproof mascara.  ha   

I'm still finding amazing clarity in my thoughts, though.  I am so amazed at how dimmed my thinking was by these stupid meds.  I was dulled to certain things.  I was dulled to myself.  I certainly was losing myself, just like I had feared.  Only, I wasn't being swallowed up by some mental illness, it was the medication.  It was snuffing me out.  I almost lost myself.  Man, I do not know how people who don't know they have the Lord, do this.  

Actually, I do.  Suicide.  That horrible thought kept trying to creep into my mind.  I knew that wasn't me - I don't think that way.  There was enough of me left to know I needed to get out.  Get out of what? My brain? The grasp of whatever was pulling me down? I don't know.  I just knew it was a fight or flight situation and I was NOT going down without a fight.  It's just not in me to do, so.

So, moving forward.  

3 comments:

  1. I. Love. This. You've got this. Keep on keeping on.

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  2. Thank you, Julia. You rock. :)

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  3. 100% spot on!!! You're totally getting this at a much younger age than I did! I'm kinda a late bloomer. LOVE YOU! You will never know how many people you touch and help when you share your truth. The ONLY way I can make sense of my struggles is to use them to support and love someone else. That's exactly what you're doing. XOXO

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