Wednesday, June 7, 2017

Clarity. And more withdrawal.

I have been on quite a ride over the last few days.

Tears.  If I had a dollar for every time something small or seemingly insignificant made me tear up or all out cry, I'd be able to go on a small vacation.  My daughter makes fun of me.  It really is quite comical.

Irritability.  Don't tick me off.  I'll let you know you did and won't back down because I'm ready for a fight.  Bring it.

Brain buzzes.  I mentioned these in a previous post - it's like my brain is a guitar string and it's being plucked... frequently.  Mostly just weird.

Slight dizziness/loss of balance.  There have been a time or two I thought gravity was going to get the best of me.

Insomnia.  Sleep has evaded me.  I think it's passing, though, which is good.

Bizarre and memorable dreams.  I read nightmares are part of the withdrawal symptoms.  I don't usually remember my dreams with such detail, but I've been having quite vivid dreams, lately.  Not nightmares, thankfully, but I think that's made up for with the next one...

I have had this fear of some evil presence lurking in the corner of my bedroom.  It's been there, before - I've posted about it, here, which happens to be the same post I referenced, above.  I've seen faces/profiles, at night, in other parts of my house, too.  I told my husband about it.  I have a hard time being alone in the dark.  It makes me think of biblical times when the mentally deranged were thought to be possessed.  Weird.  **As I'm re-reading this post for editorial purposes, I can't help but think the adversary has something to do with this - he doesn't want me to be the true me.  He knows my strength and that I don't. back. down.  I've got the Lord on my side and good always wins.  I'm so winning this.

Craving for country music.  I grew up listening to country music because my mom loved it.  It was the music of my childhood.  My dad introduced me to Queen, The Eagles, The Beatles, Dan Fogelberg, James Taylor, etc., but country music was what we most listened to.  Why, out of nowhere, is this what I crave (seriously, crave)? Interesting.  I listen to it whenever I can, though.

Passion and clarity and the ability to choose how I deal.  I still feel clear on my thoughts.  I feel more empowered when it comes to controlling my emotions, or at least how I handle them.  I can control whether or not I give in to depression or become manic.  I am truly starting to believe that it was, in fact, the meds that were making me feel like I needed the meds.  I started taking them for postpartum depression, but I don't need them, anymore.  I haven't for a while.

Exercise and scriptures.  That's what the Lord, for years, has been telling me I need.  Those are the only meds needed to make my brain function as it should.  I am my father's daughter and my son's mother.  Knowing this has been so liberating and I couldn't be happier for the Divine inspiration I've felt in this come to Jesus moment.

Makes me all teary just thinking about it.  ha ha

No comments:

Post a Comment